We are honoured that you would choose our humble B&B as a base for your Saturday night out in Workington.
You’re booked for 3 people? Oh, your friend is just visiting while you check into your room? Of course she is.
Yes, yes, your payment went through fine. No, it wasn’t declined. Should we be worried?
Yes, of course you can borrow a phone charger. No need to hug me, that’s fine. I fear I may get drunk just from touching your clammy skin.
Oh that’s fun! Yes, it was a bit quiet and boring – some music would liven things up a little. We’re grateful that you thought of us and made it loud enough for us to hear. What IS that that you’re listening to?! You must make us a mixtape!
You’re going out now? You’ll be back to change before hitting the “after party”? How exciting! We’ll look forward to that.
Oh don’t worry about making too much noise, we were awake anyway.
No breakfast? Oh that’s fine. I was a bit too tired to cook breakfast anyway. I didn’t get much sleep. We’ll just sit here and bask in the warmth of the oven, that’s been on for 2 hours, while we waited for you.
Checking out so soon? Hope you enjoyed your stayed. …hope your 2 extra friends also enjoyed their stay.
We’re thrilled that you decided to remodel the room for us. That heater was so last season. It’s great that you helpfully removed it from the wall. Shame about the plaster work but you can’t make an omelette without breaking a bit of plaster, or something like that… And the bed linen? Urghhh white is so boring. Neon pink and luminous green are much more fun but maybe next time we’ll use permanent dyes instead of washable eh?
It was truly a pleasure. We’d be glad to never see you set foot in our home again. Thank you. Goodbye.